when your fire dwindles (i'll be there to reignite it)
by czqy
Summary: Katsuki comes home to an eerily quiet apartment.


"Oi," Katsuki calls out to the apartment, haphazardly kicking off his shoes, "I'm home."

When he gets no response, he pauses, slowly straightens up, then tilts his head. "Half-and-half?"

Shouto should be here already. He texted him as much, a selfie with his keychain of Katsuki in his hero costume, and the message 'Guess we beat you'. Despite his loss, it made Katsuki snort. It was always funny to him, seeing Shouto's impassive face next to the wild expression on the keychain. Katsuki looks over to the kitchen countertop, and sees the miniature version of himself standing in the middle, alone. He walks over to it, fishes his own little-Shouto out of his bag, and places it beside little-Katsuki. Then, he proceeds down the hallway to look for his boyfriend.

He isn't sure who started this system, but vaguely remembers it was Deku who got them the keychains in the first place. He excitedly handed them over, on the _first day_ of release, and Katsuki just stared at it. 'The hell am I supposed to do with this?' he asked. He didn't want to own merch of himself. Deku simply shrugged, then bounced off to the next person. Katsuki made a sound of annoyance, and found his eyes drifting towards Shouto, who seemed to be inspecting little-him with intrigue. Before Katsuki could think about it, he thrust his hand towards the rookie pro hero, whom he'd just started dating. Shouto was now peering at the Katsuki resting in his palm, and when he met actual-Katsuki's eyes, Katsuki felt his face heat up. He turned his head, not wanting his heart to beat any faster. 'Take it. You can have it.'

Surprisingly, Shouto did, but then Katsuki felt a weight on his hand again, and had whipped his head back to yell, when he saw that it wasn't his own merchandise resting in it, but Shouto's. He looked at Shouto, who simply shrugged, and told him, 'It's only fair'.

Katsuki didn't know what Shouto had done with it, he assumed he'd put it somewhere random like he had, so it was a shock to find out he took it wherever he went. It was how the news of them broke to the public; someone had taken a photo of Shouto, zoomed in to his belt, and noticed a Ground Zero keychain dangling off it. Katsuki confronted him about it, flustered, demanding to know why he thought that would be a good idea, and when Shouto told him it gave him strength, Katsuki didn't know whether to hit the fool or kiss him. In the end, he went for the latter, because there's nothing Katsuki likes more than the feeling of his explosions, except for the way Shouto feels against him.

Since then, Katsuki carried his keychain everywhere too. And when they moved in together, they used it as an indication as to whether they were home or not. On the days Shouto is away for a mission, it's hard for Katsuki to see mini-Shouto by himself, but the satisfaction he gets when mini-Katsuki returns, when the pair becomes whole again, makes it all worth it.

* * *

Katsuki finds Shouto on their bed. Or rather, he finds a Shouto-shaped lump in their covers.

He gently peeks under them, heart clenching when he sees his boyfriend's red eyes and tear-streaked cheeks, and asks softly, "Got room for one more?".

Shouto scoots over the slightest bit, and Katsuki joins him. When Katsuki starts sweating due to the heat in the confined space, Shouto creates an ice bracket stemming from either side of the bed, hanging their doona over the bar in the middle. The ice cools Katsuki immediately, but he still looks over at Shouto quizzically.

"So you don't explode the bed sheets. _Again._"

Katsuki glares at him with betrayal, but is glad to see the corners of Shouto's lips quirk up.

With more space to move around now, Katsuki goes to sit opposite Shouto, and places a hand on his cheek. Shouto's hand immediately clasps over Katsuki's, gripping and pushing against it as if to increase the contact between them. Seeing this reaction, Katsuki raises up slightly onto his knees, brushes back his boyfriend's hair with his free hand, and places a kiss on his forehead. Once Katsuki comes back down, he tucks a loose strand of hair behind Shouto's ear, and lets his hand linger there.

"Are you okay, boo?"

Shouto takes in a deep breath, but when he exhales, it's shaky.

"There was— On the news, they were talking about that case again."

Katsuki freezes. He leans backwards in order poke his head out from under their fort to glance at the TV, and surely enough, it's covered in ice. When he returns to Shouto, who'd grasped his hands when they left his face, it's with fury in his eyes.

"I'll kill them," Katsuki snarls, and he means it. He doesn't care if he's a hero. He doesn't care that _they_ aren't villains. He will hunt down every last one of them if he has to. Travel all corners of the world. He can feel his palms start to sweat in response to his anger, and Shouto must notice it too, because he squeezes Katsuki's hands.

"Please don't," he says softly. Katsuki's dark expression wavers, and after seeing Shouto's gentle features, he's placated. He sighs, and when Shouto kisses his cheek in reward for letting his anger go, he closes his eyes. Shouto is too kind to them, and they don't deserve a single bit of it. What makes it worse is that Shouto is right. If Katsuki, or anyone, retaliated, it'd be adding fuel to the fire.

* * *

Katsuki had shown up to the scene in a panic, and wasn't expecting to find Shouto sitting on a concrete slab with his head in his hands. It eased Katsuki's anxiousness among the confusion, and he walked over to his boyfriend who seemed lost to the world. When he put a hand on Shouto's shoulder, he jumped, but after realising it was Katsuki, he leapt up and kissed him like his life depended on it.

"Katsuki," he said, hands grabbing either side of Katsuki's face. "Katsuki, I need—" There was desperation in his voice. He kissed him again.

"Hey, hey, hey," Katsuki pulled back, trying to get a hold of the situation. "What happened? Are you alright?"

That seemed to pull Shouto out of his stupor, and his eyes suddenly glazed over. He retreated from Katsuki, and stumbled a few steps back. Katsuki frowned. He still had no clue what was going on. Before he could open his mouth to ask again, however, Shouto lost his balance, and Katsuki reached out to steady him.

"Whoa there." Katsuki was getting really worried now. He looked around them for an ambulance, but couldn't find any on site. They must've all left already, and Shouto thought he'd be fine not going with any. Katsuki glanced back at his boyfriend, who seemed to be drifting in and out of consciousness, and rolled his eyes. Every time. When would he learn to take care of himself a little more? He was lucky Katsuki drove here.

Katsuki bent down slightly to hook an arm under the back of Shouto's knees, then lifted him into a bridal carry. Even when faint, Shouto managed to find the energy to protest against this. Katsuki was having none of it.

"It's what you get for not leaving with emergency services."

Shouto mumbled something against Katsuki's chest. Then, a little louder so that Katsuki could hear, "I was waiting for you. You'd get to me faster, if I stayed here."

The words shook Katsuki to the core, sent tingles up his spine. He felt as though a hand had wrapped itself around his heart, and squeezed. He faltered in his steps to look down at his boyfriend, and found that he'd finally given in to rest. He didn't seem relaxed though, his shoulders were tense, his brows were knitted. Katsuki took in a deep breath, then placed a kiss against Shouto's forehead. When Katsuki felt Shouto's body loosen a bit, the slightest of smiles made its way onto his lips.

He continued walking.

* * *

It was while Shouto was getting checked out at the hospital that Katsuki learned about what happened.

There had been a girl close to Shouto whom he was about to go rescue, when he noticed a structure start to collapse. If it fell, it could potentially crush everyone in the midst of evacuating. So, he made the decision to first put up an ice wall to hold up that structure.

However, when Shouto formed that ice wall, a beam above the girl came loose and started to drop. Shouto immediately tried to create another pillar, but it was difficult after expending so much of his quirk on the first one—his body temperature was near its lowest point. It only barely cushioned the debris before falling onto the young child.

The decision was one any hero in Shouto's position would've made. The benefits outweighed the risks. Still, knowing that didn't make the situation any better. Katsuki sympathised with his boyfriend right away. There was also a feeling of dread pooling in his stomach. He tried to speak, but his throat was dry. He attempted again after swallowing.

"And now?"

Katsuki could see his sentiments reflected in the hero he was conversing with, who sighed. He knew it meant the news wasn't good.

"She's in the ICU. She's been comatose since the event."

Katsuki looked away, cursing under his breath. He raised his head when he heard movement, and found Shouto watching them, still in his hospital gown, leaning against the doorway for support. Katsuki didn't think he should be up yet, and his thoughts were confirmed when he heard a nurse yell in the background. It was drowned out though, as he could only focus on Shouto.

In his eyes was something that could only be described as abject horror.

* * *

As the days went by, a lot happened. The story broke out to the public, and, unsurprisingly, there was criticism. Some questioned Shouto's choice. They said he shouldn't have done what he did, that heroes think too highly of themselves, believing they can do anything. A few dared to demand for him to be _punished_, and to hold all pros accountable for their actions, for the losses and casualties suffered by the people. This idea was pushed by some, and started to gain traction.

The words made Shouto angry. They made Katsuki angry. They made _all_ the heroes angry.

They didn't get it. They couldn't possibly understand the stakes, that split second in which a decision that could be the difference between life and death must be made. Those people said all they wanted about how heroes shouldn't be allowed to do as they pleased, but they never mentioned the countless hours of training they had to go through; the number of tests they had to take; the annual screenings and workshops they had to attend. There was a reason why these heroes had their licenses—which indicated they were trusted to protect and ensure the safety of the people.

What's more, no one but Shouto could've done what he did. If it had been anyone _but_ him, there'd be a much worse outcome. Countless lives would've been lost. They all liked to talk about what Shouto's actions may have resulted in, but never acknowledged what _did _happen. Shouto saved upwards of a thousand people. He minimised the damage to a historical building. He performed the best he could in that situation.

On the other side, the girl's condition worsened. She developed an infection, which led to gangrene. Her leg had to be amputated. She still hadn't woken up, and at this point, it was uncertain whether she ever would.

What did stay consistent though, was the fact Shouto didn't talk about it. He _wouldn't_ talk about it, no matter how much Katsuki pressed him. It pissed Katsuki off, they had a few fights, but ultimately, there was nothing he could do about it. The only person perhaps more stubborn than him on this planet was Shouto.

* * *

It was on a relaxed evening when Shouto finally broke. Katsuki had just finished washing the dishes, and walked into their bedroom to hear, "Not only is her life hanging in the balance, but she's also lost a leg now. It was a stupid rash decision that has cost a little girl her livelihood". He stopped in his tracks, eyes flicking to Shouto, who switched the TV off with the remote, and then just sat there, staring.

Katsuki carefully made his way onto the bed, and as soon as his body made the mattress dip, Shouto's head turned to him, and tears started streaming down his face. He clung onto Katsuki, and just cried and cried and cried. Katsuki held him as tightly as he could, heart cracking with each sob. He shed a few tears of his own.

After, they talked.

"I don't…" Shouto looked at their hands, loosely interlaced. "Katsuki, how do I know if what I've done was right?"

Katsuki thought for a moment before replying. He had to be careful here, otherwise his boyfriend might put his defences up again.

"You can't." Shouto's eyes snapped up to meet his, and Katsuki noticed they were red and puffy. He also seemed to be getting angry, so Katsuki quickly continued, "I mean, there's no way we'll ever be able to tell. We can't know that if you hadn't put up that ice wall, the structure wouldn't have fallen onto those below it. And we don't know whether the beam would've collapsed anyways, possibly while you were under it."

Shouto visibly shrunk at the statements, and started sniffling again. Katsuki let go of him to hold his face between his hands.

"You know what I do know though? I know that you did the most you could, and that others wouldn't have been able to do what you did. I know that you made the decision you believed would be best under those circumstances, and I trust that. You aren't one of the top-ranked heroes for no reason, Shou. You're _good_, and unfortunately, as ugly as it sounds, shit like this happens. We knew it coming into this profession, we'd seen it before. There are some things we just can't prevent. And that doesn't make you any less of a hero."

Remembering what he had heard on the TV, Katsuki added, "Don't listen to anyone that tries to tell you otherwise. They don't know jack."

At this, Shouto's face contorted. He squirmed out of Katsuki's grasp, and hugged his knees to the chest. He sounded almost frustrated, when he said, "I _don't_ care about them. I know that their words are unfounded. It's the girl I'm worried about doing wrong by. I _know_ her. She's one of Nee-chan's kids." Katsuki's eyes widened. He didn't know this detail. He moved beside Shouto, sat cross-legged, and waited for him to continue.

"I went into show and tell once, to present myself. She took a liking to me, and I liked her too. Well, I liked all the kids, but her especially. She reminded me of myself, a bit, with the way she talked and stuff. I asked whether she wanted to be a hero when she grew up, because that's usually the dream at that age, but she told me no. Quite adamantly, actually. 'I'm going to be someone who supports heroes!' were her exact words. I smiled, then told her I looked forward to using her gadgets and inventions in the future.

"Except now she may not be able to do any of that. And Nee-chan has been trying to comfort me about this whole thing, but I know that the family has been horrible to her, like they've been horrible to me, and I don't know what I'm going to do if she doesn't make it."

Katsuki was silent for a long time before he spoke again.

"Shouto, it's not… You know it's not your fault right?"

When Shouto replied, his voice was wrecked. "How can it not be my fault?" His hand suddenly darted out and closed around the front of Katsuki's shirt. "How can this not be on me, when I was the reason she stayed? I tried to get her to leave, I told her it was too dangerous, but she— She wouldn't listen. She would not budge, so I finally relented and told her fine, that we could leave together after, and then… _Katsuki_," Shouto let go of him, then hung his head, "if I hadn't been so… _weak_, I could've saved her. If I'd been stronger, I could've—"

Shouto's words were cut off by the sudden force of Katsuki pulling him close. Katsuki wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's torso, and rested his forehead against Shouto's shoulder.

"Please don't say that."

His voice was barely a whisper. To hear these words uttered by Shouto… It hurt. It hurt more than any injury would.

He thought of the incident just under a year ago, when Shouto had stayed on site battling a group of villains on his own, while everyone else hurried to evacuate the civilians. Katsuki remembered how Shouto vehemently rejected any assistance, including his, telling them all to _'just go!'_. He went, only because it felt like disrespecting the man if he did otherwise.

He recalled one of their first proper dates after graduating, where they'd come across a young boy being picked on, and could almost remember _word for word _the way Shouto had reprimanded the bullies. It made Katsuki feel ashamed, reminded of his past, and he wished someone like Shouto had stepped in like this back then. However, as he watched the scene before him, Shouto crouched down and talking to the children seriously, albeit gently, and the admiration in the children's eyes as they gazed upon the pro hero, he couldn't help but swell with pride.

He was taken back to his first year in high school, where he'd eavesdropped on Shouto revealing his history. He remembered the shock that came over him, as he comprehended the stark differences in their upbringings. He had tried so hard to not let it affect him, to not let it change the way he viewed his classmate, but failed. A memory from their earlier days of dating also resurfaced, where Shouto properly told him about his family for the first time. He talked about the hardships, what got him through them, and how he and his siblings made up for lost time.

Katsuki always had an inkling to this, but he knew for sure now, that…

"You are the strongest person I know." He said it full of conviction, staring dead into Shouto's eyes to show he meant it.

Shouto appeared to have been taken a little off guard, breath hitching. Katsuki ran his hand through Shouto's hair, then held the back of his head.

"Don't burden yourself with all these thoughts. We can shoulder them together. You aren't alone in this, okay?"

After Katsuki spoke, Shouto's eyes seemed to well up with tears once more. He nodded slightly, and Katsuki pulled him into a hug again.

"I'm here for you."

* * *

Katsuki mutters the same thing now, in a low voice into Shouto's ear.

When he pulls back, he kisses Shouto once before saying, "Whatever nonsense that person was spouting, forget it. They don't know anything. They don't know what _I_ know. You're an amazing hero."

"Yeah, I know that they're dumb, it's why I froze the TV. I just— It makes me think of her, you know?" Katsuki nods. "I got an update a few days ago, actually. The doctors say it seems like she's getting better, but there's still no real way to tell." At this, Katsuki's face falls. He takes Shouto's hand.

"Do you want to talk about it? What do you need?"

Shouto makes the slightest shake of his head. Katsuki thinks that's going to be it, but then in a small voice he adds, "Just hold me, please? And tell me about your day. I've missed you."

And who is Katsuki to deny a request like that?

In the end, Shouto melts his ice, something they'll clean up later, disassembling their fort. They don't move out from under the covers though, instead lying underneath them together with their heads on the edge of their pillows. Katsuki starts to trace up and down Shouto's side, smiling with satisfaction when Shouto's eyes flutter closed.

When he starts to talk, it's not about much—his day wasn't really eventful. While on patrol, he came across some petty criminals, but they complied immediately when they registered it was him. To be honest, he was hoping for a bit of a fight. Shouto snickers at this, eyes still closed, and Katsuki lightly shoves his shoulder. He then had a talk at a school in the afternoon, and that was alright. The best part was the signing, seeing all the different pictures students brought. It was like he watched himself grow up through the images, and it made him strangely nostalgic. Some of them also had gifts; he had a couple of letters in his bag, along with a few snacks, and creations. Whenever he received one addressed to Shouto, he teased them, remarking that he was a hero, not a courier.

After hearing this, Shouto blinks his eyes open to give Katsuki an unimpressed look.

"What?!"

"Stop being so mean."

"I— _You're_ the one being mean right now!" Katsuki protests.

This makes Shouto chuckle. It's a hearty, golden sound. Katsuki's completely enraptured by it, still is after all these years. He stares openly at his boyfriend, whose eyes crinkle at the corners. The setting sun in the background illuminates him, gives him this glow, and makes him look truly ethereal.

Katsuki is even more captivated now, and he thinks of how lucky he is to be able to witness this sight, of Shouto with a radiance that can rival the brightest of heavenly bodies.

It seems that all will be well.

* * *

Later, the sky outside has turned dark, and the city is lit by stars and fluorescent lights. Katsuki now sits against the headboard, languidly running his fingers through Shouto's hair, who lies against his chest.

"Tell me if anyone ever hurts you, yeah?" It's somewhat out of the blue, but it's been silent for some time, and Katsuki's mind has been drifting. First, from whatever new attack that has been made on Shouto, to what happened when Shouto first opened up about this issue, before settling on memories of the past. He's realised he's never explicitly told his boyfriend this.

"Why?" There's a lilt to Shouto's voice. He tilts his head to meet Katsuki's eyes. "You going to beat them up for me? Be my knight in shining armour?"

Katsuki nods resolutely.

Shouto seems to think for a moment, exaggerating it with a hum, before telling him, "I don't think that'd be suited for royalty though."

Katsuki's confused by this, until Shouto elaborates.

"I mean, _King Explosion Murder_."

As soon as he hears the name, Katsuki loses it. He cringes, _hard_, and when he notices his boyfriend _laughing_ at him, he shoves him off, perhaps with more force than necessary. He also gets extremely defensive. "I was sixteen! Your hero name is literally just your name!" His arguing does little to stop Shouto. After a few more beats pass, way too many in Katsuki's opinion, Shouto finally calms down. Then, he faces Katsuki and just shrugs.

"It's still better than anything you came up with."

His eyes are locked onto Katsuki's, who stares at him deadpan, before launching at him. Katsuki tackles Shouto down onto the bed, then wraps his arms and legs around him, squeezing tight. Shouto has the nerve to laugh, _again_, and Katsuki knows there's no winning this. He shakes his head, then loosens his hold.

"God, you're a snarky bastard."

"Yeah," Shouto gets up and sits with a leg on either side of Katsuki's waist, then leans down to press their lips together, "but you love me anyway."

The words go straight to Katsuki's heart. His entire being is softened, and he relaxes wholly under his boyfriend. He looks up, into the eyes of the man he calls home.

"I really do."


End file.
